he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
