im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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