Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
