dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
