i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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