Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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