Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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