can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
