i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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