if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
