I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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