Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
