i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
