lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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