My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
