Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
