How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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