She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
