so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
