smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
