so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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