I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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