He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All the doctor said was why
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
