We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
