is your mom at the bar?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
