no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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