He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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