i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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