Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You need a sexual gate keeper
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i believe in u and ur pee
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