Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
