my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
