it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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