Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
