how can u be prego again
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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