I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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