you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
