R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
