if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
