His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
