He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
