yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes