doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.