Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.