Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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