im about as happy as oj after his trial
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I supernannyed him into submission