I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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