I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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