Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
