Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
