just come out here and I will go home with you...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
