I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My vagina is officially offended.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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