dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
