Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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