I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
