Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Randomize
