You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
