Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
