My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This baby is an asshole
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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