im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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