I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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