At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
