That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Four minutes until I can fart!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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