the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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