she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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