So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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