I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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