so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
