party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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