I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
