If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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