I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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