1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
