I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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