i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
