I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
