It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
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Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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