Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need moral support for this bender
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
