i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
