I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
