You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
