the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
