You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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