Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
