i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize